Not As Perfect As She Seems
by Bri F.A.B. Nervosa
Summary: Some people are perfect, but it's only pretend.
1. Default Chapter

Hellllo everyone! It has been a while a long long while since I have been to fanfiction but I am here and I was in a writing mood so here ya go!  
  
Hermione.  
  
The girl that is perfect.  
  
She gets perfect grades, she has a perfect life, she has perfect everything.  
  
Atleast it always seemed that way.  
  
When she's alone, Hermione is a very different person, no longer perfect.  
  
She hides her pain in her books and behind her homework.  
  
She shields her cuts from the world, so one will know that Hermione, the girl with  
  
everything going for her, the girl that is so perfect in ever way, is not as perfect as she  
  
seems.  
  
#  
  
Midnight.  
  
Hermione lied in bed, tucked under her covers, eyes closed tight, hoping it won't happen again.  
  
But then she hears it.  
  
The sound of her door opening, slowly. She fears this time of the night. She could hear his soft footsteps make their way to the side of her. And then the weight shift as he climbed into her bed. He put his hands on her hips and sucked on her neck.  
  
Even though she didn't want him here, doing this to her again, she had no choice, He never stopped. Whenever she said No, he ignored. There was no way around it.  
  
He turned her over so now she was facing the ceiling. Then, he gently pulled down her shorts and underwear. Then, without her consent, he spread her legs and got in between her. As he fully enjoyed himself, Hermione cringed with pain and suffering, he made it hurt so bad to her. Silently, tears started to stream down her face, but in the dark, they were invisible, just like her pain. Once he was done with her, he gave her a peck on the cheek, got out from under her covers and walked to the door, turning the knob and walking out. But before he shut the door behind him, she heard him say:  
  
"'Night Hermione."  
  
Through her tears and her pain and her weakness, she chocked out the words weakly.  
  
""Night dad."  
  
#  
  
She could never sleep after these encounters. She couldn't sleep feeling the pain deep down in the pit of her stomach and the emotional pain leaking in her heart. How could he do this to her?  
  
He was her father.  
  
He had done this ever since she started at Hogwarts, 5 years ago, and till now, it still hurt. It was so had to look at him during the day, to see his face, to talk to him, knowing what he did just the other night. This only made her cry more. There was only one way Hermione delt with pain like this, only one thing that could take it all away, her shiny silver knife.  
  
One of her most priced possessions, she would be lost without it.  
  
It cut through her pain and let it flow out, out of her body, but only temporarily. The pain would never really be gone, only when she died would the pain disappear and tonight seemed like a good night for it. She opened her nightstand drawer and searched deep in the back. Finally, she pulled out a tiny black box. She opened the latch and lifted the top, reveiling her knife.  
  
Her best friend.  
  
The one that made her problems drift away into oblivion. She lifted the knife out, and in doing so, made a almost silent clicking sound, which was the most comforting sounds the had left. Then, without hesitation, he placed the knife on her skin and dug deep. Slice after slice after slice, she cut and cut and cut till she though the pain was out. In the dark she lied again, face to the ceiling, lost in the hunger for more. More pain to release pain. It seemed like all she was feeling was out, in her blood.  
  
She wanted to see, see what she had done, her art.  
  
She hobbled to the bathroom, still sore from him, and clicked on the light in her bathroom. The blinding light hit her face and she had to close her eyes. As her eyes accustomed, she stared in the mirror. Tear stains colored her pale face. She looked down at her arms, which were bright red and pulsing. So long, so deep, so painful but so soothing. She put her finger in the puddle of blood that started to form on her arm and smeared it on the mirror. A memorial sign of her hurt and how she dealed with it. She took one last look at them, their beautifulness to her. She flicked off the light and climbed into bed once more. Now she could sleep, knowing that her pain was gone and it was replaced with bliss, utter bliss was her tourniquet.  
  
I know its really really kinda disturbing, but please just review and tell me what u think so I know if I should continue. 


	2. It's Only Me

I was so happy people reviewed and actually liked it! Thanks for reviewing!  
  
The sun came up slowly behind the clouds. Dim light shined upon Hermione's face and her eyelids fluttered open. At first, her body felt very numb, but most of all was her arms; it felt like they weren't even there.  
  
She stared down at her arm.  
  
Blood stains still remained, dried on her arm. Her cuts were now ugly scabs. No longer as beautiful as they were last night. She lifted her covers up and stepped on to the ground, not fully awake yet. As she flicked her light in the bathroom, she immediately got a glimpse of herself in the mirror. Just as pale and lifeless as she looked last night; dark circles outlined her brown eyes and her cheeks were sunken in.  
  
She looked down at the cuts again.  
  
She put her hand on one, one of the biggest ones, and she ran her hand on it. It felt so nice to know that has released things she had inside for so long and feeling she had hidden deep that they could finally get out and disappear in the thin air. On the countertop next to the faucet was a bottle of concealer.  
  
She reached for it, twisted the cap and poured it on her arms, then she rubbed it in. Almost instantly, all her slices and cuts because invisible and no more noticeable. She had bought it at "A Lovely Witch" In Hogsmeade, It promised to hide every blemish and imperfection, which was exactly was Hermione was, a blemish, an imperfection. No longer as perfect as everyone thought she was.  
  
Then, she saw him.  
  
His reflection in the mirror. So shocked, she dropped the bottle of concealer and it smashed on the floor, going everywhere. She turned around instantly, facing him. His face, not like the one she had seen last night. His face was kinder and softer but his eyes, she always remembered his eyes and how they stared and burned when they glanced upon her.  
  
"What are you doing up so early?"  
  
He asked. Even his tone was different. It's like the night changed him, in to a seductive, forceful man. She couldn't look at him anymore, she turned away quickly. Tears stared to swell in her eyes but she fought hard to keep them there.  
  
"I had to use the bathroom."  
  
She lied. She looked at his reflection in the mirror but he wasn't looking at her face, he was looking at her body. He stepped closer to her and put his hands on her hips again.  
  
"Well, I made breakfast so if you're hungry..."  
  
He whispered in her ear, massaging her waist. She cringed again. Then, he finally let go and left. She let out her breath and sunk to the floor. She couldn't even stand him anymore. She couldn't be near him, she couldn't hug him, it was hard to even talk to him, knowing that that night, he would come into her room and do it to her again. She held her arms close to her like her safety blanket and closed her eyes, letting the tears run down her cheeks. She couldn't wait to go back to Hogwarts, where she was safe, where she was Hermione, the perfect.  
  
#  
  
The day had finally come. The day to go back to Hogwarts, once again, and be freed, only for a short while though. She packed all her last minute things in a small bag and threw it in her trunk. Then, soundlessly, her father creeped in. He sat on her bed, watching her.  
  
"You know, I'm really gonna miss you."  
  
His voice broke her concentration. So, cluelessly, she just asked,  
  
"Oh, well, why is that."  
  
"You know why that is."  
  
He ran his hand up her leg. She moved quickly away, packing her cauldron in her trunk, slowly, so she wouldn't have to go back to him. She looked around her room, making sure she didn't forget anything, and closed her trunk.  
  
"Here, I'll get that for you."  
  
As she held the trunk by the handle, he put his hand on hers. She quickly pulled her hand away.  
  
"Don't worry Hermione, it's only me."  
  
Yeah, it's only him. The man that claimed to be her father and swore to protect her was not doing any of that whatsoever. If he was a father, he wouldn't hurt this daughter so bad, would he? Sometimes, she often thought why he did it to her, like, what MADE him do this? What's his reason?  
  
Crappy ending, I know, but I'm in a hurry. Review! 


	3. It's All His Fault

Thanks for the reviews yall.  
  
Nothing could bring her down today, she was leaving. The day she waited for all year, not only going back to Hogwarts but getting away from her life for a while; from her dad. She got in the back seat of the car as her dad and mum climbed in.  
  
She saw her mom look at her dad, but not so much in a loving way, more of a loathing way. Why didn't they love each other like they did when she was younger? She used to remember them always holding hands and kissing and laughing when she was young, what happened?  
  
#$%$#  
  
The train swayed gently along the tracks to Hogwarts. Ron and Harry where, of course, talking about what they did over the summer, but Hermiones' thoughts where elsewhere. She stared out the window, watching the fast passing landscape. Ginny was sitting across from her, also silent. Ginny didn't really feel like talking to anyone, she just liked to stare. As she pulled her eyes from the window to Hermione, she saw scars on her arm, just slightly covered by her long sleeves. She looked up at Hermione's face, it looked distant and pale and so tired. Her eyes were swollen in and hung low. She had never seen Hermione like this before, she was always so excited to go back to Hogwarts, but now, it seemed just like another trip. She needed to know what was going on, they were supposed to be friends and they should've talked about anything that was bothering them. She put her hand on Hermione's wrist, Hermione jumped slightly at Ginny's cold hands on her hot wrist.  
  
"C'mon Hermione, let's go talk."  
  
Hermione didn't refuse, she just looked at Ginny questionably. She looked down at her arm, they were showing ever so visibly. Ginny dragged Hermione by the wrist through the two boys and out to the hallway. She checked along the hallway for an empty compartment. As she got to the end of the hall, she found one and opened the door and motioned for Hermione to go in. As she did, she got in and closed the door and looked out the window, just to make sure no one would listen in.  
  
"Ok Hermione, what are these?"  
  
Ginny had taken Hermione's arm and lifted the sleeve, revealing her red scars, looking positively vibrant against her white milk skin.  
  
"You have to tell me what's going on Hermione."  
  
She couldn't tell anyone, not even Ginny, her reasons for doing what she did. She remained silent and just stared out the window, holding her arms close to her. She could feel her eyes get heavy with tears, she wanted to tell someone so bad, to let it all go, to drain it out of her body like she did her pain. She could feel the first tear drop and then they all started to. Sorrow and pain was building up in her and she felt like she was going to explode. She dropped to the floor and began to bawl madly. She cried for everything she couldn't say and for all the things she felt. Ginny dropped to the floor next to her and held her close and comforting. She rocked her back and fourth as Hermione still held her bruised arms close to her body. The tears began to flow even more and there, in Ginny's arms, even though both said nothing, they were both understanding.  
  
#$%$#  
  
Once Hermione go to Hogwarts, and had dried her tears, she felt so much better, she felt freer than she ever did. She had all her feeling out but without so much of the pain. Everything seemed to be going well, until Hermione got an owl...from her father.  
  
"Dearest Hermione,  
  
Hi hun, I hope you are going well in you class, wait, of course you are! I just wanted to say how much I miss you and how much I can't wait to be with you again. You're coming home for Christmas right? I got lots of presents here for you. Well, I'll see you later.  
  
Love,  
  
Dad."  
  
That was just what she needed, to be reminded of what waited for her at home. More pain to be taken and endured. Hermione, more than anything, didn't want to go back home on Christmas. She just wanted to see how long she could stay away from her father.  
  
#$%$#  
  
As Hermione walked through the hall some weeks later, she felt this sudden pain in her stomach. The pain increased more as she walked but she tried to ignore it, it was probably nothing. But it was something and she knew it and she didn't want to admit it so she just kept walking on.  
  
Once Hermione got back to the common room however, she felt like she was going to collapse, Her body felt weak and unstable and the pain kept surging in her stomach. She could only take a few steps more before she blacked out and felt her body tumble to the floor.  
  
As she awoke, many people surrounded her. Ginny was the closest, on her right side and Ron was at her left, Harry right next to him, along with other concerned Gryffindors.  
  
"Hermione, what happened? I saw you come in here and I was talking to you and you just collapsed. Are you ok? What happened?"  
  
"Yeah, Hermione, who ever hurt you, we'll find him and we'll..."  
  
Instead of saying what he was going to do, he used his hands instead, making a fist and pounding it into his other hand. Ron was always good at that.  
  
But Hermione wasn't very responsive or even aware of where she was, she heard the voices but could barely see where they were going from.  
  
"Yeah, Hermione, who hurt you? Who did this to you?"  
  
Without so much as a second thought, Hermione blurted out softly,  
  
"My father.......my father did ........this.......to me. It's all his fault. It's all his fault.  
  
Sheeeeesh! Wow, that was splendiferous. I am proud. I feel like really weird writing that letter though because I didn't really know what to say. It sounds really nasty I admit but please review anyway. 


	4. More, More, More

The darkness engulfed her brain. All she could remember was the pain and all she could feel was the cold, chapping her white skin. Her body was completely numb to everything. A memory came to her mind, swirling around like a grey cloud. A memory she had long forgotten. Her father creeped into her room, but this time, she didn't know what was going on. He climbed into her bed but she was clueless to his actions.  
  
"What are you doing?"  
  
She said, her own voice echoing in her head. As she spoke, he put one of his hands over her mouth and the other under the covers. She felt his ice cold hands upon her legs. Her eyes grew wide, hoping he wasn't going to...but he did. The whole time it happened, she winced and cringed with surging pain all over her body. He held her neck in his hands, threatening her if she dare made a sound.  
  
When it was all over, when he was gone, that's what she got the urge. The sudden urge that she was going to explode, or implode. She ran to the bathroom and right there, she vomited right into the toilet. It seemed, at last, that that's what was torturing her inside but it really wasn't. She opened the drawers and looked for anything, anything she thought that would help. After digging and searching through all her drawers until she found a shiny silver knife she never knew was in there. She didn't exactly know what she was going to do with it but she felt comforted already just by holding it. She opened it and heard it click softly, revealing its sharpened face.  
  
She looked at in; it reflected her face in its perfect face. Her eyes were blood shot and her neck had bruises on them; pink and black. Its face acted like it was attracted right to her skin. It seemed like someone else was operating her body, she had no control. She lifted her arm to the knife and lowered the knife to her arm, in one swift movement, she cut. It was like total ecstasy to feel it go, drain, exit her body and onto the knife. She looked down at her arm, a tiny cut remained, leaking blood slowly. She wanted more, more ecstasy, more release, more, more, more.  
  
#$%$#  
  
She woke up abruptly, scratching her arm hard, hard enough it was bleeding bad. She was in her room, she looked out the window, pitch black. She looked over to a clock on her wall. Through the darkness, she could barely see the time but from there, it looked like it was about 9:00. Light shone out from under her door; people were in the common room. She didn't remember much, just passing out. What if she had said something? She hoped she hadn't, it would've been something she didn't want people to hear. She crawled out of her bed and walked over to the door, but before she opened the door, she could hear voices from the common room.  
  
"What was she talking about Ginny? We have to know. We have to know what's going on with her."  
  
She recognized Ron's voice, seemingly worried.  
  
"Ginny, please, tell us what's going on!"  
  
Harry's tone seemed irritated.  
  
She hoped that Ginny wouldn't tell, she promised, she couldn't tell, she better not.  
  
"Well,"  
  
She began. Hermione couldn't believe that she would even mention it. Before Ginny could say another word, Hermione swung the door open, squinting from the brightness of the room.  
  
"Hermione! You're ok!"  
  
Ron said, standing up.  
  
"Hermione! Here, let me help you."  
  
Harry jumped up, trying to help Hermione down the stairs.  
  
"I'm fine, really."  
  
She said, putting her arm around Harry and holding on to the handrail. Hermione didn't lift her eyes of Ginny, she couldn't believe she would even whisper anything about the topic.  
  
"Hermione! What are you doing?"  
  
Harry lifted her arm off his shoulders, blood-stained.  
  
"Hermione, what are you doing to yourself?"  
  
Ron said disappointedly.  
  
She knew she couldn't lie to them, they would see right through it. She couldn't tell them, they wouldn't understand, they'd think she was a freak, that she was no longer perfect to them. She couldn't tell them, she wouldn't tell them. But she wanted to, she wanted to so bad. She had to release this and it was something her knife couldn't cut through. The only way she thought she could deal with this is just...break down and cry. She dropped to the floor and spilled her tears like milk. She held her face in her hands, not letting them see for once, she was weak, for once, she was just like them. She wouldn't dare show that side of her. She could feel them trying to comfort her, stay next to her. She had to stop this, to stop being so strong, even when she knew she wasn't as she seemed. So, she decided to let it all go, what she had been holding on to for years.  
  
"Well,"  
  
She started and from them, let is spill out of her mouth. But who would know that someone was listening. Someone was interested in this little story and someone was coming up with a little planning of their own.  
  
Lskhg! Review! Or I won't update and make u suffer with crayons! 


	5. Why?

GADZOOKS! I'm so glad you people like the story and that u reviewed! Now, shall we continue?  
  
Draco had his ways of sneekiness. Once he hear all the riot about little Ms.Hermione, he had to check it out for himself. So he snuck his way into the common room of Gryffindor, undetected. In his secret hiding place, listened in to a conversation he was not welcomed to. As he heard her whimper about her past with her father, Draco couldn't help but take this opportunity to pay specific attention to every slight detail. He couldn't wait, wait to put his little plan into action.  
  
#$%$#  
  
Hermione walked out of the portrait of the fat lady only to see people standing around, looking worried. Apparently, news had broken out pretty quickly.  
  
All at once, people ran up to her, asking her if she was and asking about what happened. She quickly said yes, choosing not to tell about 'what happened'. She walked quickly past all the people and walked down the marble to the great hall, only making it worst by many other people coming up to her, asking her if she was ok, those including Draco. She wondered what he would even care about her for. He had a fake concern on his face.  
  
"Ahh, poor Hermione, I hope your alright."  
  
Suddenly, she felt his touch. She felt his warm hand on her hips; it sent a shudder up her spine. Before she could even look at him, to figure out what the hell he was doing, his touch was gone; he was gone. She spotted him walking back to his table, not looking back to her. What the hell was he doing? She thought he would touch her, not like that. After she pushed her way out of the crowd, she sat in her usual seat at the Gryffindor table. Without she even saying a word, Ron blurted out.  
  
"What was that about?"  
  
"Just people asking if I was ok."  
  
"Since when does one of those people include Draco Malfoy?"  
  
She had temporarily blocked that out, till now.  
  
"I dunno."  
  
#$%$#  
  
By the end of the day, everyone had forgotten about the whole Hermione thing and return to their lives. But she couldn't get him out of her head, he stuck so firmly, she knew something was wrong, something was going on that she didn't know about.  
  
She walked up the stairs to the portrait of the fat lady.  
  
"Honeysuckle."  
  
She said, a little irritated. As she stepped inside, every light that was usually on brightly was darkened. Even the fireplace wasn't hosting a fire as usual. It wasn't that early for everyone to be asleep right? Then, she remembered Ron had quidditch practice and Harry went with them. But where's Ginny? As she asked this, she heard a tiny voice say,  
  
"Hi Hermione."  
  
She was startled a bit, unaware of where the sound came from. Just slightly, she could see a small figure moving towards her, carrying a bag. It was Ginny.  
  
"I'm going to the library to finish my homework. Guess you get this whole place to yourself."  
  
She said, stepping out of the portrait hole and closing it.  
  
Wow, no one was ever not there, she had never been there alone. She blindly walked up to her room, opened the door and closed it. She didn't bother turning on the light, she was just going to get undressed and go to sleep, she was exhausted. As she pulled off her shirt and skirt, she put on comfortable clothes and sulked into bed. She situated herself and relaxed her muscles but she couldn't help getting the feeling that something was wrong, something was out of place. She turned on to her other side to be met face to face with the person she was least likely to see there. His grey blue eyes glared at her through the darkness and his hot breaths hit her face. She didn't know what was going on but she knew it wasn't good. As she went to get up and flick on the light, he grabbed her arm and pulled her back onto the bed.  
  
"You're not going anywhere."  
  
He said to her, almost in a whisper.  
  
"NO, No, No, No, No."  
  
Was all she could say but he wouldn't stop. He pulled down her shorts and slid into her, making sharp pains surge in her body like electricity. Harder and harder he went, every movement making its personal bruise on Hermione. Why was this happening? She was supposed to be safe at Hogwarts. She tried with all her might to push him off, to get him out, to drive him away but no one could ever stop him and she learned that quickly. Once he was finally done and once he was out of her, Hermione removed her hands from her face, looking at him. She couldn't believe he did what he did, that he'd be able to live knowing what he did to her. There were so many things she wanted to ask but what came out first was, "Why?"  
  
With utter hesitation, he answered angrily,  
  
"When it happened to me, I never got to be in control and now that I am, I think I will continue."  
  
DUM DIDDLDE DUM DUM! What do think about this? Good, bad, more disturbing than u could muster? Just review and tell me. 


	6. My Skin Longs to Feel the Touch of a Col...

He stuck her like a bullet, the pain was gripping at her body and tearing her apart from the inside. Like a giant whirlpool were her heart used to be. Why did this keep happening to her? Why did the whole universe have to pick her to be the one to suffer, through everything. There was only one pain she could tolerate and that was the pain of a cut and so far, that the only pain that felt good to her. She pulled off her sheets angrily and went over to her trunk. She pulled up the top and searched madly for the one thing she needed more than anything. When she found it, she could feel her heart sink. She grabbed it and held it close to her, fearing someone might take it away. As she pulled it open and heard the click, she knew this is what she wanted.  
  
My skin longs to feel the touch of a cold silver blade. Although there is pain that from it, it is also my band-aid. The knife is lost in my wound. My blood is its own little pool. My reflection is smeared in my silver blade. My gash has won the duel. As the blood drips down my wrist, I fear there's something I might have missed. My vain is still untouched but scarred. I'll live another day.  
  
As she lied on the bathroom floor, sprawled out, she thought this is what she wanted, to die, to deal with it the only way she knew how. She stared up at the ceiling for a moment, remembering. Remembering times with her father long ago, remembering how she felt when she first met Ron and Harry, those things seemed so long ago, faded into dust. She could feel her blood dripping out of her cut, going all over the floor. She hoped someone would find her, save her but at the same time, she couldn't bare another day living as she was. So she lied there, near death, just waiting for it. But she didn't want to die, not now. With all the energy she had left, she called out for help. Called out to anyone who would listen and whoever was willing to help her.  
  
Ginny rushed into her room only to be horrified by what she saw. There lied Hermione, her friend, near death.  
  
"Ginny? Ginny, help me, please."  
  
Though Ginny could barely move from the shock, she took all she could muster to pick Hermione up and run her down to the infirmary.  
  
#$%$#  
  
Hermione gently woke up from the sun shining onto her face. She was startled to find herself still here, still alive. She looked around, looking for someone. Just as she lifted her head, madam Pomfrey walked over to her in a hurry.  
  
"My dear, are you alright? I tried to save as much of your blood but you lost a lot. I'm recommending you stay here for another day or so."  
  
As she said that, she looked at Hermione with a grand look of worry and confusion, then walked to the other side of the infirmary. Wait, now that someone knew about this, could other people? More than anything, she feared that someone would find out.  
  
"Wait, wait, madam Pomfrey!"  
  
She turned back around and walked back to Hermione's bedside.  
  
"What is it my dear?"  
  
"Did you tell anyone about this?"  
  
She took her hand and held it comfortingly.  
  
"No dear, I haven't told a soul."  
  
Hermione smiled at her; she smiled back, then left.  
  
It felt better to know that no one could've known about this.  
  
#$%$#!  
  
A few days later, she returned to her classes. The only person she could confide in was Ginny for she knew she was the only one that knew. Luckily, Ron and Harry had no idea and never even mentioned why they hadn't seen her in a few days. While Hermione wandered aimlessly to Potions, a strong hand pulled toughly at her shirt and made her come into a shadowy corner, where he waited. There, she met him, face-to-face.  
  
"So, I hear you have a little problem eh?"  
  
He held her wrist in his hand and pushed on it, making Hermione wince with pain. Under the bandages, the blood started to soak.  
  
"That's too bad. Little wittle Hermione wanted to kill herself, just because of a little happening. You're so weak."  
  
She knew she was not weak. Underneath everything that made her up, she was strong to hold so many things inside and deal with so many problems that no one should.  
  
She looked into his eyes, anger boiling inside. She felt his breath on her cheek, hot and smooth. He leaned in to her face and, as she turned away, whispered in her ear.  
  
"You were so good."  
  
He said and, without notice, he kissed her cheek, she flinched at his action.  
  
He let go of her wrists and walked out of the dark corner, laughing devilishly.  
  
Why? Why did he want her? She hated him. Hated him more than she ever has.  
  
No matter how much time it took or how long it would take it do it, she would get him. She would get him where she wanted him and...kill him.  
  
Sorry it's a sucky chap, im distracted by South Park marathon!!!! Please just review and tell me what u want. 


	7. Make Him Bleed With Sorries

She hated him. Hated him for all he was worth, which wasn't much. She wanted to hurt him, make him feel the pain she felt inside, ten times worse.  
  
She began to daydream but not of happy things or joyful things, of dark and twisted things. She thought of ways to hurt him, torture him, make him bleed with sorries.  
  
The whole day she didn't smile, she didn't talk, she didn't show any emotion at all. As she stalked back to the Gryffindor Common Room, the hall because noticeably rather quiet, as if everyone could read her mind.  
  
As she muttered the password and the portrait swung open, she got a sudden chill that ran up her spine, something was not as it should've been, something was wrong. As she moved more into the common room, she noticed no one was there.  
  
That was really odd.  
  
After classes, this room was packed and it was highly unusual to see it empty now. As she walked up the steps to her room, the wafted cold air filled her lungs. So cold, she swore she could see her breath.  
  
What was going on?  
  
As she came to her door, she stood in front of it, not sure whether to turn the handle and go inside or let it remain a secret what laid behind the door. As she laid her hand on the handle and turned it, she let the door open by itself.  
  
As she looked in, she saw that nothing was wrong. Everything was as it was when she left. She let out a sigh of relief and walked to her bed.  
  
But as she did, he felt the chill once again and suddenly, the door slammed shut. She whizzed around and say that it had closed my itself. Then, she heard a noise.  
  
Laughter. Deep, dark, evil laughter coming from every corner of the room.  
  
As she looked around to see who it was, she started to see words appearing on her walls, written with blood.  
  
Slut.  
  
Whore.  
  
Bitch.  
  
The laughter grew louder and louder as the words began to appear more and more. Everywhere she looked, she saw them.  
  
Her mind became dizzy, her thoughts slurred, her eyesight blurry.  
  
She covered her ears, trying to block out the laughter, to make it stop but it didn't work. She tumbled to the floor, sitting cross-legged and rocking rigorously back and fourth, her hands clasped over her ears.  
  
She couldn't take this.  
  
The laughter wouldn't seize, the words wouldn't go away. Her cuts started to throb as if they were itching to explode again. But then, she knew what could stop them, what could make it all go away.  
  
With her hands still over her ears, she ran to her trunk and pulled it out, the only thing in the world she could control, the only thing in the world that she would let control her.  
  
Without much thought, she just started jabbing her leg with it, blood quickly coming to the surface and running down her leg. She could hear the laughs not, crystal clear, echoing in her ears, corrupting her mind.  
  
One, two, three, twenty, twenty-one.  
  
She didn't want to stop till the laughter stopped, till the writing stopped, till the pain stopped. She kept stabbing and stabbing.  
  
"ARE YOU HAPPY NOW?! HUH?! ARE YOU HAPPY NOW?!?"  
  
She yelled out in distress, her knife clutched in her right hand, smeared with blood. Then, all at once, it stopped, the words everywhere, the insane laughter finally stopped...as he said,  
  
"Yes, actually, I am quite happy now."  
  
Please review and read my friends story Of Blood and Water, its awesome. Sorry its short, didn't have much to write but more shall come. 


	8. Proposal

His eyes cascaded her every being.  
  
How the hell does he keep getting in here?  
  
She quickly covered her cuts up and pretended like nothing happened even though something did, and they both knew it. Tears dribbled from her eyes, he had caught her in the act and she knew he would never forget it. But she was sick of hiding it. Hiding her scars, hiding her pain, hiding herself.  
  
"Is this what you wanted to see? See me finally doing it? Is this what you wanted?"  
  
"Actually, yes, yes it is."  
  
She was surprised by his answer but at the same time, was expecting it. She went over and sat on her bed, refusing to look at him, just standing in the doorway with a smirk on, looking quiet smug.  
  
She wiped the knife on her robes and slowly closed it, clicking quietly. She dropped the knife on the floor and picked her legs up, bringing them closer to her chest.  
  
She could feel her warm blood soaking into her shirt but it didn't matter to her. For a long time, they stood still in silence.  
  
Hermione could feel Draco's stare penetrating her, making her feel very uncomfortable. She wanted to ask him why, why he did this, why he was here, why...?  
  
But nothing came out of her mouth, hardly even a breath.  
  
(TWIST!!!!! FROM HERE ON, I WILL BE MAKING THE STORY IN FIRST PERSON. I WILL BE TALKING AS IF I WERE HERMIONE, I FIND I WRITE BETTER THAT WAY. OK, CONTINUE.)  
  
I didn't want to look up at him for I knew he would look at me in that way that I hated.  
  
That way that burned my soul and crumpled my heart.  
  
That stare that froze my being and cut my breaths short.  
  
The stare my father gave me in the dark all those nights ago. The thought of my father made me hug my legs more towards my body so they could never be opened again.  
  
"So...you have everything you want and you just cut yourself because you want attention, I get it."  
  
I couldn't believe he had just said that. He didn't know shit about me so why the hell is he trying to preach to me? He doesn't know a thing not a damn thing.  
  
"What makes you think you know everything? For your information, that's NOT why I do it."  
  
For the first time, I looked at him, his eyes were glaring into mine, making me feel cold inside.  
  
"So, then, why do you do it huh, little miss perfect?"  
  
GOD! I was so sick of everyone calling me that. I was not perfect. If they could just see...see what I have to put up with then they'd know why...why I do this and why I'm not so perfect after all.  
  
"I'm not perfect."  
  
I whispered, almost underneath my breath. There was another awkward silence. As I built up my courage to look at him again, I was surprise to see he was gone.  
  
Oh no.  
  
He's going to tell, I know it. I know him and now that he was proof that I do it, he's gonna spread it. I was afraid. Afraid what would happen when people found out. Afraid of what people would do when they found out.  
  
Afraid that if it reached my parents what they would do. I had to find him. I had to find Draco. I would do anything to keep this a secret.............anything.  
  
#$%$#  
  
Draco sat as his usual set in Transfiguration, next to Goyle, in front of Crabbe. He was one of the first to arrive in class and I knew he was waiting for me. As I walked into the room briskly, the sight of him made my speed slower.  
  
But I had to talk to him, I had to make him a deal. Keep my secret and I'll do whatever you want. As I approached him, he gave me the look he always gave me; a look of disgust. As I sat at my seat, in some way, I could feel his breath on my neck as if he were right next to me.  
  
As I turned around, I saw him, dead on. His face straight and boney, pale and cold.  
  
His eyes where the only color that showed up; a steely bluegrey that pierced my skin. I had to look away. I sat in class, unable to work, which was a first.  
  
As soon as it was time to leave, I wanted to be out of there but I felt something holding me in my seat. I watched as everyone left except me...and Draco. As Professor McGonagall stepped out of class, she left me and Draco.  
  
As I sat still, I heard him coming near. He sat dangerously next to me but I didn't look at him, I pretended not to notice.  
  
"You know how fast news travels around here?"  
  
I chose not to answer.  
  
"Very fast. And news of a certain Gryffindor that is a cutter will travel extra fast."  
  
"So, you haven't told anyone?"  
  
He shifted in his seat.  
  
"Not yet."  
  
I had to tell him and this had to be the time. I wanted to say it calmly so it didn't sound like I was scared and desperate but I ended up just blurting it out.  
  
"I'll make you a deal."  
  
He raised his eyebrows, seemingly intrigued.  
  
"I'm listening."  
  
"Don't tell anyone and I'll do whatever you want."  
  
He nodded his head, agreeingly, but said instead,  
  
"I'll think about it."  
  
"No, I need to know now."  
  
I raised my voice a bit without noticing it but Draco sure did. He stood up, towering over me, looking down. Suddenly, he took hold of my neck.  
  
"Don't talk to me like that or I won't think about and just say it."  
  
He said angrily. Now, I was scared. Scared of my proposal. Scared of what he might make me do but I had to keep this a secret.  
  
"Ok."  
  
I said squeakily, hearing the fear in my own voice. He heard it too and smiled.  
  
"That right. Well, I guess I will accept your measly little proposal."  
  
He let go of my neck as I slinked back into my seat, fear washing over me.  
  
"You're so weak Hermione. I don't know what you could possibly do for me."  
  
Though he said that, he knew what he wanted from me. And he knew that now, he could get it.  
  
Sorry its like shittah, I need right mood music. Review or youre poo. 


	9. I Belong To Him

Draco had all of this planned all along, he know that I would go to him and propose something and he knew me enough to know that I would say I'd so anything. He could torture me with his glares, scare me with his slightest touch, bend me with his every word.  
  
Why?  
  
Because he knew now they he could.  
  
He did it to spite me, to intimidate me, to ridicule me and no matter how bad it got, I would never let it show. He ordered me around like a servant, made me stay up till the middle of the night just to finish his homework, make me call him Draco Sir and have me carry his books. I was not a lap dog, I was not his little slave girl that would come to him at the snap of his oh-so-precious fingers.  
  
But I had to keep my secret, I had to continue with the orders for I knew that so much as a back talk or a whine, he would spread the word. So I catered to him, his every beck and call, when he said to jump I sprang up like I was on a trampoline. When he said come here, I didn't hesitate, I came at once, dropping everything. Every order I took, I answered him the same way,  
  
"Yes Draco...Sir."  
  
He would stare at me with his cold, dead eyes, knowing he was getting to me, knowing he was about to crack the surface of me and he kept pushing. Finally, after 3 months, I had had enough. I was sick of being humiliated, taken advantage of, damaged of my pride, I didn't know one person could do so much to me without ever really lifting a hand. I decided to speak up, finally, to say what I had to say or what had to have been said.  
  
"Draco...I'm not doing your shit anymore. I don't care if you tell anyone now. My scars are healed and totally invisible, knows going to believe you anyway?"  
  
The whole world washed over with silence. It's like if you dropped a pin, you still wouldn't hear it, it wouldn't be thick enough to cut through the quiet. In the middle of a totally empty hall, I uttered those words. He stopped and looked at me, without so much as an emotion on his face and without any life in his eyes. His eyes scanned me over, then, suddenly, he lifted my arm and tugged it towards him. He could see all my scars and cuts where gone, like I said.  
  
"Hmm...I see they are. But, wait, what's this?"  
  
Without so much as any warning he swung out a silver knife and cut my arm, deep, making it bleed instantly. I tumbled to the floor; my entire right arm was oozing with blood. I looked up at him. His eyes flickered menacingly at me, still holding his knife. The knife looked almost identical to mine, except the handle was a deep green and in gold letters on the handle, it read Malfoy. His face now showed an expression; it was now revenge. He pulled me up by my arm, scattering my blood on his hand. His skin touching my wound made it burn more and more.  
  
"Now are you going to leave?"  
  
He said, running the knife along the crevices of my face. The coldness of the blade made me shiver with fear. I would never let it show that I was terrified of him, not even now.  
  
He tugged my arm tighter, squeezing it almost.  
  
"Huh? I didn't hear you."  
  
With every cell in my body, I tried not to let it show I was afraid and that I was on the verge of tears. I widened my eyes, just to make sure no tears fell.  
  
"No, I will stay."  
  
I said, almost whispering.  
  
"What was that?"  
  
Now he was squeezing my arm, digging more into my cut. I winced and squealed in pain.  
  
"No, I will stay."  
  
I said louder. He finally let go of my arm, wiping off my blood on his robes. But before he let me leave, he took me by the waist and pulled me close to him, too close.  
  
"That's a good girl."  
  
He said in my ear. And then, right there, where anyone could see it, he kissed me. His cold lips pressed against mine and I got the sudden urge to fight it, but at the same time, I wanted more. More of this lips, more of his touch, more or him. He finally let me go and walked in the other direction, not looking back. Little droplets of blood where on the clean, marble floor. I wiped them up quickly with my robe and walked back to the Gryffindor tower, holding my arm tightly. Why did he do this? Why did he want more of me? As I asked these questions in my head, I couldn't help but think that this was would be my most favorite scar.  
  
YAY! One of the best chaps I have written. Please review, I wanna know what yall think! Tanks. 


	10. Give Unto Me

So it took me a while but I'm finally updating this story. I read through it and it made we gasp like a little school girl. I'm hoping to change the story up a bit, spice it up yet still leave it unbelievable charm.

I sat, waiting. I knew something was coming. I knew he was coming. I could feel him with every breath I took, with every short and shallow heart beat I heard him speak. He was attacking me without ever even being there. How could he do this to be? Torture me invisibly? I sat in one of the armchairs, hoping it would protect me from I could sense was coming. My heart nearly stopped when the portrait swung open, but it was only Professor McGonogall.

"Oh, Professor, hello."

I tried to sound sincere but it was hard when I was so bewildered.

"Oh, good, Miss Granger, you're here. Well, um, can I speak to you about something?"

She had a worried look on her face and I knew, she had found out.

I held my head down, waiting for the worst. She sat down on the armchair opposite me. She knew I realized what she was here for She let a few moments pass, filled with silence.

"So, Hermione, you know why I am here?"

Without acknowledging her words with any words, I just nodded my head.

"Is it true?"

I sniffled, I didn't want to cry anymore but it seemed the only thing I could do at this moment. I nodded. I heard her get out the chair and walk over to be, her shoes clanking on the floor. She stopped on the right side of the armchair. At first, I thought she was going to say something like "Why didn't you tell anyone to get help?" but she didn't. She put her arms around me and held me, as if she knew what it felt like. She let me out of her embrace and came face to face with me, having to get down on one knee. She took hold of my hands and held them tight. This must be the part where she says "You won't ever have to go home again. You can stay here forever, away from your burdens." But when she opened her mouth, those words did not come. All I could hear was.

"We're going to have to send you home."

I hope you all are getting this, It took me a while to start writing because I had kind of lost the luster of the story. It's been over a year and hopefully, I will finish this story. Review!


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